Dancing With My Father

29 Feb 2012 1 Comment

by jeanbriese in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

He suggested I dance.  After meeting with my new spiritual director, he said I mentioned the word “struggle” thirteen times in my conversation with him. So instead of struggling to follow the Lord’s will for me, he suggested that I dance.

I have to admit, the vision was lovely. I pictured graceful dancers, beautifully attired, gliding across the floor.  That didn’t seem like a struggle at all.  In fact, the vision is beautiful, rhythmic and flowing. Okay, I will try to dance.

I left our meeting encouraged at the thought. 

The Tango

As the idea of dancing settled into my soul, my mind grabbed hold and started to analyze. Thank you God for this great mind you gave me, truly a gift from You, my intelligence has been a blessing in my life.  It also works non-stop, my mind constantly analyzing. And so I began to analyze how to dance with the Lord.

As I began to embrace the dance, the beautiful vision again entered my mind.  Wait a minute, those beautiful, rhythmic movements are the result of knowing the steps, of years of practice and athletic ability.  I looked up dance in Wikipedia and found this helpful information:

“Every dance, no matter what style, has something in common. It not only involves flexibility and body movement, but also physics. If the proper physics are not taken into consideration, injuries may occur.” 

Great.  Flexibility, yeah, I need more of that, a lot more.  Body movement, okay I move, but I am not the most coordinated person out there.  Physics?  I can embrace physics. Injuries may occur?  I clearly am not ready to dance.

At this point, I believe it was the Holy Spirit that interrupted me as my mind said, “Wait a minute?  Have you managed to turn dancing with the Lord into a struggle?”

Hmmm.  Okay.  Breathe.  I am pretty certain this is not what my spiritual director had in mind. So let’s just spend some more time in meditation.

The Swing

The next morning hope was renewed as God had spoken to me and said, “I will lead the dance, you just follow.”  I smiled at the thought.  This was Fat Tuesday.

That night we went to a Mardi Gras celebration with friends at a local restaurant.  As the Dixie band played, a young couple entered the dance floor. Man, could they dance!  Every movement was synchronized as they seemingly effortlessly jumped, kicked, twirled and danced to the music.  They were beautiful. They were joyous!  I loved this new vision of dance and the sheer happiness of this dance.  Allison, my four year old, ran out onto the dance floor.  She began to watch their movements and mimic theirs. And when she tired of mimicking their dance moves, she care freely danced as she felt to the music. Sometimes she simply skipped around the dance floor in circles.  The entire restaurant was charmed by these young dancers and by little Allison.  Their joy was contagious. Oh, to have faith like a child and joyously dance!

 

The Salsa

Ash Wednesday.  Uhmm, Heavenly Father.  You know how you said you would lead the dance and I will follow?  Well, have you seen me dance?  I am not good at following.  I step on feet.  I push when I should pull and I go the wrong way a lot.  I have a great desire to be a good follower. I am just sorry to tell you that I really am not good at it.  I stand here before you afraid that I am going to fail. Afraid that as much as I desire to follow your lead, I am not good at it.  Father, I want to dance with you, I am just not sure I can.

That morning before Mass, I wrote a blog.  Usually my blog ends with a connection of the story to our faith.  I had the words of the story. I didn’t have the end, the connection. I just had a strong desire to write the words. So I thought, maybe this story doesn’t need the connection.  And I headed out the door to Mass. 

Sitting in Mass, as soon as Father began to speak, it was the connection to the words I had written only minutes before.  My morning story now had its ending. This was the second time I wrote my blog entry, to have the connection finished later at Mass.  Writing this right now, I can see God was trying to show me that I could follow his lead.  At the time, I completely missed this connection. 

At the time, I thought to myself, I am trying to write and get my story finished. I have deadlines.  I am trying to dance with you Lord, and appreciate that You gave me the end of story, but we are waltzing here and I want to salsa.  Let’s pick up the pace a little, will ya?  Maybe I am not so good at following His lead.

 

The Dance

It is two days before my next meeting with my spiritual director.  This will be my second meeting. Will he ask how the dancing is going?  How will I answer?  I had better read my Bible and spend some time in meditation.

As I am spending my time in silence today, my dancing journey flashes in my mind. Why am I still struggling Lord?  I want to dance, I really do.  What do I need to do?

And the answer comes to me that make the tears roll down my face.  “My child, stand on my feet and hold onto my hands.  You do not need to know the steps. You do not need to be coordinated. You need not worry about following my lead. Just hold on, and we will dance.”

I can picture a toddler Allison, standing on her Papa’s feet, holding on to his hands as he danced her around our living room. I can see her smiling face looking over to me, as if to say, “See Granma, see, I am dancing.” 

Lord, I am so humbled and so grateful that You would dance with me. So grateful that you have been patient with me.  So grateful that You allow me to come to You as a child and You extend your hands and your feet to me.  I absolutely accept this dance with You. 

“See, see World, I am dancing!”

Toilet Paper, Stickers, and The Great Helper

26 Feb 2012 6 Comments

by jeanbriese in Family Reflection, General, Reflections Of A Catholic Woman Tags: , , , , ,

When Allison was a toddler, we used to hold her up to the wall where all our family photos were displayed and play “Who’s that?” You have probably played this with your own kids. “Who’s that?” we would ask. “Grampa Briese,” Allison would reply. This was a way for Allison to know her great extended family, to learn the names of those familiar faces and to learn about family members like Grampa Briese, who passed away before she was born. She could tell you, “Grampa Briese is Papa’s daddy.“ So too, we introduced her to Jesus, Mary and the Saints in the same way. When we played “Who’s that?” Jesus, Mary and sometimes other Saints were always part of our family photos. I didn’t want Allison to only learn of Jesus in “church” or to learn of Jesus in a “special” conversation. I wanted Allison to know Jesus as part of her family, as the King of our family.

 
And so too, in her room, she has a picture of her two year old self, taken with her great-grandmothers. One of these grandmothers has since passed away. Next to her picture of her grannies is a prayer card with a smiling Jesus, laminated for little hands. She will take both of these down from time to time and kiss them, her grannies and her Jesus. Next to these, she has a statue of Mary (which she always wants to sleep with) and a statue of a young Jesus. We start our day with “Good Morning, Jesus. Good Morning Mary.” We end our day with “Good Night, Jesus. Good Night, Mary.”

 
Allison is now four years old. Most work days my schedule allows me to not worry about getting into my office at a certain time, so the morning “get out the door” routine is not rushed. However, there are exceptions, mornings when I do need to leave by a certain time. One particular day, when I needed to leave early, Allison wasn’t in the mood to be rushed. “Allison, go get dressed,“ I said. “Okay, Gramma,” she responded. A few minutes later, she returned from her room, pajamas still on, arms overflowing with toys, talking about something that happened at school yesterday. “Allison,” I cried in frustration, “we are going to be late.”

 
“You are going to be late, Gramma, I’m not.” Well, I guess that put things into perspective for me. She was right about that. She doesn’t have to be anywhere at a specific time. “Let me go with you and help you get dressed,” I responded, as we headed to her room.

 
As I was standing in the bathroom, waiting for her to choose her hair barrettes, I noticed the empty toilet paper roll. I took the empty roll off just as she cried, “Gramma, I want braids.” Setting the toilet paper holder down on the bathroom counter, I braided her hair for her. Concentrating on the braid, I didn’t notice that she had picked up the toilet paper holder and pulled it apart so the spring came out and it was in pieces.

 
Now Allison is a curious girl, and very smart. I get that and, trust me, she gets plenty of opportunities to explore her curiosity. This, however, was my last nerve. “Allison!” I exclaimed in a loud enough voice to startle her. Why do you insist on taking everything apart? How many times have I told you that you need to ask before you take things apart? That’s it! I need a time out,” and I stomped out of the bathroom.

 
Papa went in while I calmed myself down. He fixed the toilet paper holder and when I walked back into the room, Allison was hugging Papa. When she saw me, she came running over to embrace me and said, “I’m sorry, Gramma.” “ Yes, Sweetie, I know.” After explaining to Allison the importance of taking care of our home and our things, Allison nodded in agreement, saying she understood.

 
I left to get my shoes and told Allison to get her sweater for school. As I came back into the bedroom, I caught Allison attempting to scrape stickers off the wall of her bedroom. We had that discussion yesterday when I came into her room to find stickers everywhere: on the walls, the furniture, and on her stuffed animals. I thought we had removed all of them, but we missed some and Allison was busy trying to remove them. I was so touched that she understood what I said. She was trying to make up for disappointing me and trying to do what I asked of her. As I walked closer to her, I noticed she was using something to lift the stickers from the wall…. what was it?

 

It was her Jesus prayer card. 

 

 “Allison, are you using your prayer card to get the stickers off the wall?”

 

“Yep, Jesus is my great helper.“

 

“Yes, yes he is.”   Thanks, Sweet Baby, for reminding me of that today.

 

During this Lenten season of repentance, we may stumble during our 40 days of sacrifice. Let us fall on Jesus. Let Him be our great helper in getting us back up and staying on our path. We may need to face the difficult things in our life that we don’t want to hear, that may even startle us. We may need our Heavenly Father’s embrace to find the strength to apologize for our transgression.

 

Will you let Jesus be your great helper?

 

Jesus, Allison’s Great Helper

 

Allison and Her Grannies
 

Father, Will You Hold Me?

28 Oct 2011 1 Comment

by jeanbriese in Family Reflection, General, Reflections Of A Catholic Woman Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It was a Monday morning like every other, and I was very focused on getting everything “ready” for the busy week ahead. Get Alli’s breakfast ready, get ready for work, prep food for dinner, make sure the house is picked up before I leave. “Alli, are you ready to go?” I called.

 “Grandma.”

 “Yes, Alli,” I responded, as I looked down to gaze into the eyes of now four-year-old Allison.

 Alli stood next to me looking up expectantly and, when her eyes caught mine, she asked, “Grandma, will you hold me?”

“Yes, Alli, yes I will. Let’s sit down and let me love on you.” A wide smile crossed her face as we headed over to the couch, and I scooped her into my arms.

Oh, the embrace. What a wonderful gift it is. As I wrapped my arms around Allison, I gave thanks for this little girl who gives me pause and helps me on a daily basis to remember my true priorities. What is more important than love? As we sat, my world, my day became calmer. A peace swept over me, so that I too felt embraced in love.

 
As I drove in to work later that day, listening to KLOVE radio, the DJ read their “encouraging word” for the day, from Mark 10:14-16 “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it. Then He embraced them, placing His hands on them.”

I need to go to Christ as a child?   My mind flashed back to Allison, gazing up at me, with full faith that I will provide whatever she needs.  Breakfast, no worries, she knows she will be fed.  Clothes and shoes for school, no worries, she knows they will be provided.  Home with her own place to sleep, provided.  Toys for playing and growing, yes, provided.  All of her needs, many of her wants are provided.  She never worries that these will be provided.  She trusts fully.   Loved unconditionally on a daily basis, yes, of that she knows.  And when she needs an embrace, she asks, without hesitation, without fear, “Grandma, will you hold me?”

Her request is rewarded with a few special moments on my lap, wrapped in loving protective arms.  She can feel my breath as I whisper “I love you” softly to her, and I feel her breath when she responds.  This intimate embrace brings us together, brings us to peace.

Father in heaven, will you hold me?  I want to come to you like a child.  Take away my worries and let me know that you will provide all I need. Father, let me sit in your lap. Let me feel your arms around me. Let me feel your breath whisper to me, “I love you.” Let me whisper back, “I love you too.”   And let our breath mingle and bond us together and bring us both the satisfaction and peace of just sitting in love’s embrace.

      Give me, Father, the gift of coming to you like a child, in full faith.

Trying On Mary

12 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment

by jeanbriese in Family Reflection, General, Reflections Of A Catholic Woman Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It was a hot summer day at the end of a stressful month.  Already June, we had missed our May trip north to park our camping trailer for the summer months.  Usually a trip we anticipate with the excitement of an eight-year old waiting for Christmas morn, today it felt like a chore.  I was only a few months into a new and demanding job, that while I loved, was an adjustment for our entire family.   At the beginning of May we lost our beloved family matriarch, my mother-in-law.  A large family and an even larger loss, my husband named executor of the family trust, May had been one stressful month.

And then I saw it.   At first glance, just another post on Facebook.  Posted by a friend from WINGS,  our women’s group at church.  It simply read:

My To Do List:

Sing

Smile at strangers

Keep learning

Notice kindness

Eat ice cream

Hope

Count my blessings

Laugh

Love

Love some more

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  My first thought was, “Wouldn’t it be great if that could be my to do list?”  Then I wondered, “Do people really act on these to do lists, or are they just a nice thing to post?”  Finally I thought,  “Why not?”

As women we have so much to do.  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a grandmother, an auntie, a sister, a friend, a BFF , an employee, a boss, a child of God’s and oh yeah ………ME.   Each of these roles in my life comes with its own list of “To Dos.”  Then you add in the holidays and seasons.   Yikes, I’m getting tired thinking about it.

I pulled up the task list in my phone and read the errands for the day:  Drop off dry cleaning,  submit expense report, draft business strategy for increasing hardware sales,  pick up milk on way home.

Now I should tell you, I am an extreme Martha personality.  You know the story, Jesus is dining with friends and Martha is busy cooking, cleaning, preparing and serving.  And there is Mary, sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to his every word.  Martha is angered.   And Jesus tells her that she is fretting over many things and that Mary has chosen the better part.  Luke 10:39

This is in direct conflict with our American culture. It is in direct conflict with who I am as a person. I am Martha.  I see the things that need to be done, and I get busy. This characteristic has served me well.  I am a results-oriented woman who has enjoyed success in my career thanks to my “getting things done.”  So every time I hear this story, I react like Martha. “Seriously, Jesus?  How the heck is that fair? Tell Mary to help.”   One morning I am sitting in Mass and Luke 10:39 is read and our pastor says, “Jesus wasn’t saying we shouldn’t work.  Jesus was saying that God’s work will get done, we don’t have to fret about it.  He was saying there is a time to listen to Jesus.  Take the time.”

So I moved my tasks to another day and copied Michelle’s To Do List into my phone.  I had decided that it is time for me to see what it is like to be Mary.

At first my husband rolled his eyes at me when I announced that we had a lot on our to do list and read the list to him.  But as I crossed each item off my list, funny things began to happen.  As we pulled out of the driveway for our trip up north, we tackled item #1, Sing.  As a family we took turns picking songs to sing.  What a great way to start our day! That certainly lightened the mood.  Next we counted our blessings.  This was fun as each of us took turns thinking of blessings and seeing how many we could count.  I began to feel blessed and de-stressed.   It wasn’t long before even my husband was enjoying the list.   He was mildly excited about learning something new.   After three years of owning our truck, we finally learned what the red blinking dot on our rearview mirror meant (it was pretty cool too.)  He really became engaged in the list when I announced it was time to eat ice cream.  Little Alli joined in the fun as we all began to look for opportunities to extend kindness and smile at strangers.  Alli enjoyed holding the door for people, saying hi and smiling.    The entire mood of our day lifted as our priorities shifted.  As we got down to only a few items, I admit, I downloaded an app on my phone called “funny jokes” and read them aloud until we were all laughing.  What a blessed day;   laughing, smiling at strangers, helping others and sharing all these important things as a family.

Thank you Michelle for the list. Thank you Mary for knowing when the important thing is to just sit and let Jesus speak to you.  Thank you Jesus for a blessed, blessed day.

Find time to be Mary.  Focus on what is truly important.

The Little Lamb’s Prayer

27 May 2011 1 Comment

by jeanbriese in Family Reflection, Reflections Of A Catholic Woman Tags: , , , , , ,

As we said morning prayers yesterday, I prayed that God would give me guidance throughout my day, asking for wisdom and patience at work.  I prayed that God would watch over Alli while she is at school and I turned to Alli and said, “What gift would you like Jesus to give you today while you are at school?  Would you like kindness, or maybe gentleness?  Alli pondered for a moment and then her eyes lit up and she enthusiastically replied, “Bring Miss Emily back.”

Miss Emily was her pre-school teacher for the past six months.  A loving, compassionate young woman who guided a class of preschoolers every day,   Allison spent about eight hours a day with Miss Emily.  About two weeks ago, she left Arizona to move to Alaska.

When Alli responds “Bring Miss Emily back,” it is a wake-up call to me.  While my life is relatively unchanged since Miss Emily left, I see now that Allison’s has been greatly effected.   So I tell Allison that while we probably aren’t going to be able to have Miss Emily back, maybe we can get her email address and write a message to her.  She smiles and is happy about this prospect.

We get to school and I tell the director the story of our morning prayer. She reacts as I did, with a big, “Awhhhh.”  She provides  us with Miss Emily’s email address so we can reach out to her.

That evening, I sit with Alli and type out an email to Miss Emily.  I read to Alli what I am typing.   “Dear Miss Emily, How is Alaska?  We miss you.”   At this point Alli responds.  “I love you.”   So I tell Miss Emily that Alli wants me to tell her that she loves her.

As I sit in my daily meditation the next morning, the events of the last couple of days play over in my mind and I am overwhelmed.

Miss Robyn is the new teacher in Room 9.  Allison hugs Miss Robin and seems to get along with her just fine.  However, since Miss Emily has been gone, Alli cries every day when I drop her off at pre-school.  She has begun to have “accidents” at  nap time, even though she has rarely had an “accident” at home. It dawns on me that my little Allison is grieving the loss of a beloved friend and caregiver.  Not unlike any loss, it is taking its toll on little Alli.  And Allison, at three-years-old cannot articulate her feelings to tell the adults in her life that she is grieving.

But Wow, God!  You know our hearts and our innermost desires. You know exactly what we need.  And in our morning prayer time, you answer a little girl’s heartfelt prayer.  You give the adults in her life the awareness to help her through this first of many transitions and losses she will weather in her lifetime.  You alone saw her pain. You alone felt her loss.  And now in a moment of prayer, you bring to Allison what she needs, even when she doesn’t have the words to express it or the knowledge to ask for it.  You bring her loving parents with awareness and the knowledge to help Allison in her three-year-old suffering.   You are so amazing.

I have seen You at work throughout my life.  I have heard testimonies of others who witnessed your work in their lives.  I am overwhelmed at this witness of how you work in the life of someone who’s suffering and innermost need was hidden, and who literally did not have the ability to communicate her needs.

And yet, here you are Good Shepherd, caring for your littlest lamb.  I am so humbled.  I have a whole new understanding of Isaiah 49:15; Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!  I love this child entrusted to me, yet I did not see her suffering.   I am so aware of how your love for us is so much more than any love we have experienced. And I pledge to raise this child up to know You and to walk in Your ways and continue to grow in her love and purpose for You.

Alli’s simple, “Bring Miss Emily back” was a key spoken during prayer that unlocked her needs. I am so thankful for prayer. And I am embarrassed that each morning as I prayed with Alli, I foolishly thought that as the adult, I was leading the prayer and teaching Alli the benefits of prayer, that some day she might be able to ask and receive blessings on her own.   I now realize that in our prayer,  you are leading each one of us.  All we have to do is make the effort.  You will do the rest.  No matter how foolish, no matter how small, no matter our ability.  It is You.  It is Love.  Lord you humble me and show me your greatness.  I am awe-struck that you answered Alli’s prayer and gave me a visible witness to the great Love that you have for each one of us.  Thank you for watching over Alli and thank you for watching over me.

Make the effort today.  Pray.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 47 other followers

%d bloggers like this: